apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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