Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
