My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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