WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
