Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
