At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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