come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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