you would pick up someone in the library
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
