I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize