Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
