It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
