I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's rum buckets o'clock
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
