I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
