my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
