i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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