Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
