we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
