Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
