Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
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I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize