it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
a search helicopter?!
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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