Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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