you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I touched a dick in church today
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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