i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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