Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
