She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
