I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
