Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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