I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
