After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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