Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
