He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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