Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
