if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
