i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
