I hate all girls vehemently.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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