Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
