please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize