She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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