ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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