Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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