You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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