We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
