i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
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I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?