census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
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I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm