even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She bit a glass in half.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.