Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
