Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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