She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
