goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
