Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
