I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
