finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
