my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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