i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
