You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize