shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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