i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
