I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
